The Empty Nester Dilemma: Should You Stay, Downsize, or Relocate?

What Empty Nesters Are Telling Us Today That Is Different from Five or Ten Years Ago

The conversations are very different. In the past it was common when the kids moved out, downsizing was the natural next step. Today, the decisions are more complicated. Here is our story.

Our mortgage rate is 2.6%. Our property tax rate is from 1993. If you move out of the area, how do you replace your friend groups? We have a 14-month-old granddaughter who lives in SoCal. We would love to be closer, but our real estate practice doesn’t allow more than visiting every six weeks.

We also have a home that allows us to age in place the next 15 years or so. So, where would we imagine going? We love our neighborhood and we do not expect to move soon.

The Biggest Mistakes Empty Nesters Make When Deciding Whether to Stay, Downsize, or Relocate

The biggest mistakes we see are usually not financial. They are future planning mistakes. Most empty nesters what too long to imagine how aging in place may change their lifestyle and housing needs. They don’t address future mobility needs that may not be possible in their current home.

They often focus on the financial aspects of moving and miss the quality of life benefits a different location may offer. They also may not understand the importance of doing tax planning before they decide to possibly move. It is critical for them to evaluate the emotional and practical aspects of what their next life chapter may look like.

Questions We Ask Empty Nesters Before Discussing Their Options

We start with a discussion about what their hopes and dreams of a next life chapter might look like. Is it close to family members? What activities do they want at their want for their life. Is it possible to have that in the location of their current home? Or, could it be in a new location?

What do they imagine the perfect week would look like where they live, including if that lifestyle could be created in a different location; walkability, restaurants, outdoor activities, and easy access to travel. The answers to these questions reveal the right direction they may want to consider before we even talk about real estate.

After Helping Hundreds of Empty Nesters Make Their Decision, Who Seems Happiest Five Years Later?

If the decision is to stay in their home, those folks are thrilled to still be connected to their friend groups, the familiarity of the community they have lived in for decades, and the places they visit that know their names; coffee shops, restaurants and just walking downtown.

Friendships are a critical part of a healthy aging process. This needs to not be underestimated regarding the decisions as to where one lives. We have clients who have moved out of the area, and they miss their friend groups they left behind.

You love your kids and grandkids, but dear friends are people we see weekly, share vacations with, and see at the gym. Your dear friends are a part of ones long term happiness.

A Story About a Client Who Decided to Relocate, Then Realized It Was a Mistake

Most relocation stories have happy endings, but some don’t. Long term clients and friends of ours decided to downsize out of state. They had only lived in the East Bay of San Francisco. They sold all their California real estate and moved to a new city. They immediately bought a lot to build their dream home, and a condo for their daughter.

After nine months they contacted us and let us know they made a mistake and were coming back to Danville. They were fortunate to sell all their real estate without a loss, and bought their retirement home in Danville on a golf course.

It was a happy ending that could have been a disaster. We are so glad they are back because they are decades long friends that we enjoy being with on a regular basis.

The right answer is not always to stay, and it is not always to move. The right answer is to understand what matters most to you in the next chapter of your life and make sure your housing decision supports that dream.

Questions to Ask Yourself as an Empty Nester

The houses are important, but the underlying questions are often:

- What do I want my life to look like in the next decade?

- How important is proximity to family?

- How much home do I use?

- What experiences matter more than possessions?

- What financial resources do I want available for retirement, travel, or helping family members?